For a brief 7 weeks every year, I have 3 children one year apart in their said ages.  Elden just turned 2 last week (my youngest is 2!) and Carmen doesn't turn 5 until the very last day of August.  You look at those smiling faces and think, "What a treat!  What a delight!  How sweet they look!  How fun they must be!" and all of those things are true.  But the in and outs are much tougher.  Who is throwing a temper tantrum.  Who is going through their terrible 2's (or 3's or 4's).  Who is being defiant that day or too tired to even hint at obedience.  Who won't nap.  Who cries every time you put them down for a nap or bed.  Etc. etc.  Honestly, all the usual stuff that parents live in day in and day out.

But.

But this week I was called to a higher standard.  And I don't like it.  

I was talking with a friend on the phone, she was explaining how she was discovering that she was responsible for her own attitudes, behaviors and actions.  Well, duh, right?  But I don't think we often apply that to being moms.  Well, maybe I should speak for myself here.  I don't really apply that in the mom arena.  More often, my thoughts go something like this:

"Well, if you hadn't played with doors, like I have told you 55,000 times, you wouldn't have slammed your finger in the door" (no sympathy).  "I have the right to yell at him.  I asked him to go upstairs 4 times and he is still sitting playing with his legos!!" (anger)  "I have asked you over and over and over and over again to get OUT of people's faces and leave them ALONE!" (fury; boiling over to murderous tendencies :)) What my neighbors must think...

As she and I talked I thought, "No way.  There is NO WAY God expects me to have the self control to be kind, patient and gentle in the midst of defiance, impulsiveness, forgetfulness or just plain childishness.  There is no way He can expect that type of supernatural strength from a mere human.  No Way."  

I was quite happy in controlling my attitudes and reactions with Curt, friends and other outsiders but with the kids, that is another story.

But, it's not. 

Self control is a freedom, not a bondage.  I am free to obey God, to control my emotions, to follow the leading of the Spirit.  I am free to not allow my emotions to be in control.  I don't have to do just what I feel like doing.  I am free to do what is wise, what is right and what is life giving to others.  And that is like a breathe of fresh air.  My emotions are not in charge.  I am, through Christ who can do ALL things.  Amen.

My 4, 3 and 2 year old