You Can't Live in Sin...

...and not expect consequences.  My recent epiphany.  This should be obvious, right?  And yet somehow I fell under the magical cloud that I am under God's grace and therefore, since I have been forgiven since before the creation of the world, when I am annoyed, tired, irritable, frustrated or overwhelmed, I can let the whole world know.  I mean, I am forgiven already for everything I have ever done and will ever do, right?

I sat down to spend time with the Lord yesterday morning and was hit with several things all at once. "Or do you have contempt for the riches of God's generosity, tolerance, and patience?  Don't you realize that God's kindness is supposed to lead you to change your heart and life?" (Rom. 2:4). Then I began my daily reading in "The 7 Day Prayer Warrior" and read this:
"A Roman soldier's metal breastplate covered his chest and kept him from being fatally wounded in the heart.  Jesus' perfect righteousness is what covers our heart, and that is what God sees when He looks at us.  BUT we still have to put on righteousness like a solider puts on his bulletproof vest.  That means we must choose to live God's way.  We cannot be protected if we deliberately walk outside the ways and will of God...even though we are a new creation, we still must decide to live like we are...with each step we take apart from God's ways, the stronghold of the enemy becomes more entrenched."

Honestly, being a perfectionist, I think I have believed the lies that since I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all.  I can't always be patient, kind and loving.  When one of the kids throws a tantrum or gets unnecessary upset, I cannot always look at the situation with an outside perspective and respond appropriately.  Therefore, I stop trying.  I react however I do and, of course, feel badly but think, "Well, I didn't sleep much, it's so hot, she was completely irrational, anyone would've reacted the same way..." and move forward.  I rely much more on coffee than I do the Holy Spirit.

Suddenly, I find myself taking a step back and thinking, "Wait a minute.  When did I fall into this trap of 'I can react however I want, I can do whatever I want and can still expect a close relationship with the Lord and blessings on our marriage and family'"? No, God does not work with formulas.  If I do "A", I cannot expect "B".  But I think it's pretty safe to say if I chose to harbor bitterness and anger, if I chose to give into emotion and react however I want and whatever I feel like, that the Lord is going to be more like a distant relative than a close friend and lover.

As I continue to process this, just in the past 24 hours, I notice how when I chose the right reaction over just how I feel like reacting, there are small blessings.  A smile. A hug. Joy. Peace. To think of all I've been missing... :)