Doors Opened

Recently, if you receive our newsletter, you would have seen that lots of amazing things are happening with our work with the Jesus Film.  It has been wonderful and humbling to watch the Lord open doors in many different countries, creating contacts and ties for Curt to work with.

One huge thing, in just the last week, is the Lord opening doors among the people we live with!!  The heads of a few of the HUGE malls in town decided that, since most of the world celebrates Christmas, they would like to bring Christmas here as well.  Of course, for a mall, that means money. They could sell gifts and decorations and all the material stuff that comes with Christmas, if only they could get the people into the holiday.

Like most Asian countries, Christmas doesn't exist here.  No decorating.  No gift giving.  No music.  No holiday. December 25th is the same as July 3rd.  BUT if people learned about the holiday, maybe they could get into it, which would mean profits :).

Well, you can imagine how the Lord orchestrated this one!  In order for people to learn about the holiday, they need to learn about the Savior.  They need to hear how God sent His Son to be born here on earth.  How Emmanuel came to dwell among us!!

So, these bigwigs invited our organization to come and share at big events in their malls.  "Come," they said.  "Come and tell the people what Christmas is all about.  They need to know."  Yes, they do.  Along with sharing at their Christmas events, Jesus Films will be given out as gifts.  So, Curt is spending a lot of time these days burning DVDs.  Praise the Lord!

Along with the praises come the need for prayer.  Our family has undergone a lot of trials, as I alluded to in the last blog.  Just yesterday, Zoya spent the day in bed with a migraine.  It was her 5th birthday.  We skipped her birthday and celebrated today instead.

Just to name a few other things that have happened in the last 8 weeks:

• 3 personal computers has issues and took hours of Curt's time to work on.  As you know, our kids do school online so this was a big deal.  One actually had to be mailed FedEx back to Apple in the States to be repaired.
• Zoya came down with a really, really bad ear infection that eventually required a trip to the hospital to resolve.
• The kids brought home 2 new kittens they found.  One was hit by a car and killed.  One was attacked by dogs and wound up in surgery with a broken jaw (she's doing great).
• Our third cat got attacked by a cat and had a deep gash in her tail.  She is stuck inside, walking around in a cone to keep the bandage on.
• Elden broke his leg, which, thankfully, the cast will be off in just 3 more days!!
• our householder has been having problems at home and has need to miss work.  This is very hard on her.

I am thankful for good hospitals and good vets.  But we are pretty exhausted from the constant pressure.  Pretty much weekly, something else goes wrong.  We praise the Lord that we have Him to fight our battles for us!  We would covet your prayers over our family!!

Peace Amongst Chaos

There are so many types of chaos.  Chaos caused by our busy schedule.  Chaos caused by our own choices.  Chaos caused by natural disasters.  Chaos caused by illness.

Our chaos is not any of those.  We are thankful to the Lord for this time in our lives where everyone has their own schedules and friends but it is manageable and there is still plenty of family and rest time.  The Lord has been gracious to keep us from natural disasters in our region of the world and no one is suffering from chronic illness.

But there sometimes is chaos that the Lord allows.  In our case, broken technology, overwhelming workloads, house problems.   Each one in itself is manageable but each one added to another and then to another and then to another over months is draining.  You all know.  You have been there too.  The car breaks down and then goes the furnace and, oh no!, your computer dies.

I am not writing to complain about life challenges, although we would cover your prayers over "our" things.  We understand the Lord provides everything for us and they are His and it's His money as well.  But there is a lot of hassle that goes into replacing/fixing/figuring things out, especially overseas :).

I am writing about His amazing goodness in the time of chaos.  I see the Lord's hand at work in my family.  Sometimes the circumstances are too overwhelming and you are just surviving.  But, currently, He has been good enough to lift our heads to look at him in the storm and not at the waves. I see Curt's amazing grace with co-workers, friends and job pressure even though every day can hit him with new problems to be solved.  I see a softening gentleness in our oldest, who is very strong willed and passionate.  I see a resolve in our 15 year old, who sometimes can give into apathy.  I see a maturing with our 11 year old that is going a long way to healing rifts.  I see apologies, mercy, laughter, inclusions, joy, strivings and grace in each of the people who live in this house.

The Holy Spirit's work is obvious in our household right now.  There are so many times we can't see that and are caught up in the mundane.  But currently, we are thankful for the chaos because we get to see His character being built in each one of us.  And really, there is nothing more exciting.

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?

Here is a really fun video we just made recently!  Get a view of where we live...

https://vimeo.com/134397939

In other fun, Hanover news, Turism, who turned 16 last Wednesday, was just accepted to a volunteer position with IJM, or the International Justice Mission (see more about them here: https://www.ijm.org).  Here's the story...

Turism has decided to combine her last 2 years of high school (she finished 10th grade 2 weeks ago) with college.  She is using a program called CollegePlus, an organization we highly recommend (see more about them here: https://collegeplus.org).  In doing this, CollegePlus sent her through a few classes to help her learn her passions as well as her giftings.  She landed on Pre-Law as a major.  She feels very passionately about those who don't know Jesus and those who are caught up in human trafficking.  IJM conveniently combines both those passions in fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves.  IJM has 6 global offices, one that "happens" to be in Chiang Mai and not only in Chiang Mai but 10 minutes down the road from our house!

I contaced IJM in June and asked if they would take on a volunteer in their Chiang Mai office to do whatever menial work was needed.  We just wanted Turism to get her foot in the door.  Their reply was that they rarely took in volunteers in their global offices but they could contact the Chiang Mai office and get back to me.  Turns out, the week before we had contacted IJM, the Thai staff, who have been trying to keep their casework current in their database, made a small mistake and it had cost them hours of work.  They really felt the need for an intern to be sent over, just to help with cataloging cases and keeping their database current and accurate.  The Thai staff contacted their head office in Washington D.C. who said they could send someone in 10 months.  Then they received my email.

They asked Turism to come in for an interview on July 20th.  Curt and I spent the weekend prepping her for typical interview questions and she felt confident when she went in for the interview on Monday morning.  Elden, Turism and I piled on our motorbike and found IJM's office.  Elden and I went on a walk while Turism went in and interviewed.  They told her they would let her know within a week.

Friday afternoon, IJM sent an email to welcome Turism to join their staff.  We are thrilled!  She will be helping manage their database, attending all meetings and taking minutes and traveling with her boss into the villages whenever needed.  What an amazing opportunity for our 16 year old!

She started college this past Tuesday as well.  Her first class?  Social Justice.  The Lord is working mightly in her life and it's really fun getting to be a part of the ride.  Thank you to those of you who prayed!!

Third Culture Kids

Yup.  I've got some.  For those of you who have never heard the term: "Third culture kid (TCK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents' culture for a significant part of their development years."

I figured out I had some the other day when Kelsey, our live-in homeschool teacher, was testing Carmen on the seasons.  

Kesley: "Carmen, how many seasons does America have?"
Carmen: "3.  Hot, Rainy and cool."
Kelsey: "No, actually, America has 4 seasons."
Carmen: "Really?  Huh.  Hot, rainy, cool and...."

Since it's been awhile since I have written (many moons, in fact), let's catch you up with the Hanover family!

Curt: work is busy and going well.  He always feels like it is 2 steps forward and 1.5 steps back.  Curt's main prayer request is perseverance and patience.  He spends most of his time engaging other ex-pats in numerous countries to help them get the J film into the language of the people group they are working with.  The details and steps are numerous and often there are missing puzzle pieces.  Need-less-to-say, nothing is straight forward, hence the prayer for perseverance and patience.  The Lord is doing amazing things (if you don't get our prayer letter, email me at janna.hanover@gmail.com and we will send you an email copy) but He still gives Curt a lot of legwork :).

Turism (16 next month) is entering a new phase of life: COLLEGE!  She has decided to basically do a dual-credit program, in which she will start working on her bachelors degree next month.  She is rolling 11th and 12th grade up with her 4 years of college.  Lord willing, she will finish her bachelors degree in about 3 years.  She seems to be leaning toward international law with a focus on human trafficking.  Time will tell and there is lots of it in the next 3 years but, as a typical, driven first-born, she is thrilled with the efficiency of doing high school and college together.

Bitsuanit (15 in August) is definitely in the "sweet spot" of life.  She has done her homeschool program long enough that she has mastered it.  She knows how to do her work well and quickly and so has most of her late afternoons, nights and weekends free.  She is very happy with where her life is right now and spends her free time working on art while listening to the Adventures in Odyssey series from Focus on the Family. She also has started her own business: she teaches English to a neighbor for $3/hour.  Word has leaked out about how cheap her rates are (usually rates run from $7-$10/hour) and we are having other people ask for her services.  Not bad for a 15 year old :)! She will be starting HIGH SCHOOL next month!!

Tihitina (11) is slowly growing into her own.  She, too, has seem to mastered our curriculum and so can finish her work quickly as well...as long as she is motivated too :).  A lot of her free time goes to helping at local orphanages, studying Thai and hanging out with the only other foreign family in the area but she does enjoy reading as well, when she gets the chance.  She is currently loving The Clay Marble by Minfong Ho (if you look it up online, you will see what I mean about me having third culture kids :)).  She will be starting 8th grade next month.

Carmen (6 in August) will be starting 2nd grade next month.  Carmen really enjoys school.  Our curriculum pushes writing, which he doesn't love, but he loves reading, history, science and math.  It's really fun to watch him learn.  He works very well with Kelsey and is generally very easy to teach.  His biggest joy is reading.  Carmen LOVES reading and is currently devouring all of Kate DiCamillo's books (he just finished most of Roald Dahl's books).  His other favorite thing is K'Nex (kind of the next step up from Legos).  He still attends Thai preschool Tuesday-Fridays and is the best Thai reader and writer in his class, according to his teacher.  He told me he wants to be a translator when he grows up.  

Zoya (4.5) just began Kindergarten last week!  She is slowly learning to read and write but, in general, loves school because she get to be with Kelsey.  She is a social butterfly and the most loving creature you would ever meet.  She also enjoys Thai preschool but, I think, still a little confused why they don't speak English :).  Zoya tells me she wants to be a pirate when she grows up.  Hey, we say shoot for the stars.

Elden (3 next month!!) is learning right along with Zoya.  He knows his letters and sounds.  He loves looking at books so I guess we will have another reader on our hands.  He also attends Thai preschool and really enjoys playing with the kids.  He is at the perfect age where kids don't realize he's different (they are the only foreigners who have every attended that school) so he has true friends in his class.  

And me?  I juggle all the balls above.  Besides attending Thai preschool every morning with the kids (I stay), working out, continuing to learn language and doing every day life stuff, I have started teaching one of our house helpers, who is a believer, to read...in Thai.  That is a HUGE challenge as I have to read each story ahead of time (we are learning from the Thai Jesus Storybook Bible) and make sure I not only know pronunciation but TONES as well.  Ha!  But it is worth it when I get moments like explaining why the Jews had to put blood on their doors during the original Passover.  To watch that "aha!" moment on someone's face is priceless.  AND I have to read each story with our other, Buddhist, house helper ahead of time.  Slow, but sure, discipleship!  

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'Tis The Season

No, it's not just that I am behind on blogging :).  It's just a small realization I had.  Honestly, it crept up on me so slowly, I am still holding my breath, waiting to see if it's real.  Are you ready?

Curt and I and the kids went out with some friends one morning and went climbing.

There it is.

That's it.

Huge, huh?

Man, it was for me.

For the past 5 years, we (mostly, I) have been housebound.  I am just not one of those moms who drags their kids everywhere.  I like my kids to have structure and routine but more importantly, I didn't like it.  I didn't like trying to go out and have fun when I had whiny, overtired kids.  I didn't enjoy carting my kids to meet friends when I couldn't keep one train of thought going because of interruptions.  So, my survival was to stay home and go out during nap and bed time.

The other day, 2 friends of ours wanted to go climbing.  It's the cool season, wonderful weather, beautiful day and I thought, "You know what?  I think we all can go."  So, I packed everyone in the car and drove 45 minutes out to the rock.  No meltdowns.  We stayed in the woods for 3 hours and everyone got to climb and run around the woods.  No crying, no whining, no complaining.  It was just plain fun.

I didn't have to pack diapers.  No bottles.  No special food.  Just a backpack of sandwiches and water.

I suddenly realized the time has come we have been waiting for for 5 years.  The time when we can slowly blossom as a family, come out of hiding and begin to get out there and do things together.  Sure, Elden (now 2.5) still naps but is now capable of going all morning without losing it because he's too overwhelmed/tired/over-stimulated.

And so, moms out there who think they will never leave the nursery because all they do is nurse, change diapers and put kids down for naps, the season will end.  It will be a bittersweet end as those sweet little babies grow but honestly, more sweet than bitter.  The time does pass.  They do grow.  You realize the baby season just wasn't your season.  And you find yourself not hating motherhood quite as much as you thought :).  You find that your kids are fun.  You're not quite as exhausted all the time.  You actually want to get out of the house.  And...wait for it...you can finally go to the bathroom All. By. Yourself.

It's true.  Take heart.  It's coming.

Children's Day!  Kind of redundant, since that's really 365 days/year.  It's just the one day where everything sugared is free...

Happy New Year!!

Sometimes I don't write because I have nothing to say.  Sometimes I don't write because I have so much to say.  Sometimes I don't write because I feel like writing about fun things the family does just seems like bragging.  Sometimes I don't write because I feel like there are so many greater things to read (not my blog) or better things I can be doing with my time :).

I have put it off long enough.  Tonight, as there is a Thai concert nearby and sleep will elude me anyway, I write.

We have had a wonderful month (or 6 weeks?).  Here it is in a nutshell:

• Thanksgiving.  Wonderful time celebrating with friends, although the food, though delicious, just didn't seem like home.  Curt and I chalked it up to the fact that we eat so much spice here, food without spice just tastes bland.  I hope we are not ruined for life...
• Christmas season.  One of our favorite family traditions is coming up with one thing everyday to do for someone else.  It is usually outside of the home and often anonymous.  We string red envelopes across the living room with a card inside with instructions and open one every morning.  It keeps us very busy but we force ourselves to get out and do it because it's SO much fun! Here were our favorite ones this year: 
• delivering homemade banana bread to our local police station, fire station and post office.
• buying 10 kites off the kite lady on the street and delivering them to an orphanage around the corner from us.  This led into us being invited to their big Christmas party, which we attended.
• having the disabled kids over from another orphanage that we have been serving at the last 6 months.
• buying out every single piece of food from a lady who sells it from a small stand on a highway so she could go home early for the day.
• buying our gardner a movie voucher so he could take some friends to a movie one night.
• ordering pizza and having it delivered to Carmen and Zoya's Thai preschool teachers anonymously.
• delivering iced tea to some construction workers around the corner from us
• Erin leaving.  Our homeschool teacher, who lived with us for almost a full 11 months, flew home on December 15th. She did an amazing job all year.  Our new homeschool teacher, Kelsey, arrives January 1st!
• Family!  My older brother and his wife and my younger brother flew over for the week of Christmas.  We had a blast doing all the tourist stuff we have put off: riding elephants, climbing waterfalls, heading up the mountain to the King's palace, shopping at many markets, eating off the street (ok, we haven't put that off!) and a few other fun things.  

And now, we have slowly settled back into routine.  The Christmas stuff is away, old things have been gotten rid of replaced by new, fun toys (thank God for uncles and aunts! :)) and we are looking forward to our second full year here.  We are so, so thankful for everyone who prays for us and supports us to be able to reach this area of the world!  Thank you and Merry Christmas (belated!) and Happy New Year!!

Having the orphanage kids over!

Contextualization

Working on "Gra Tongs" with some Thai friends

This was a hard one for me.  I have been hounded by something my oldest said to me in the car on the way home from hanging out with Thai friends.
Yesterday and today is a very popular Thai festival known as "Loy GraTong".  There are several things that happen on these 2 days.  One, pictured in the middle, is where you decorate a banana stump with beautiful flowers, leaves and plants.  Traditionally, this is then placed in a river to thank and honor the river for providing water for everyday purposes (drinking, washing, laundry, etc.).

Lighting a lantern with our neighbors

The second is the other 2 pictures.  You light a small piece on the bottom of this lantern and it acts like a hot air ballon.  It will begin to rise as it heats and is a way to honor the moon.  I am not sure why the two are connected (sorry, my language is not that good yet :)).
So, I took the kids to hangout with some friends and learn about their holiday.  We got a little history lesson and then got to make our own "GraTongs", while talking with our friends.
On the drive home, Turism said she felt so sad the whole time.  She felt torn in wanting to honor them as people with their own way of thinking but also wanting to interrupt their sharing to share about the Creator.  She didn't want them worshiping a created thing.  She wanted them going to the Source.
And that's where I was torn.  I wanted to celebrate with our Thai friends.  I wanted to be out in the street with our neighbors, laughing and enjoying their traditions.  I wanted to be a part of their lives.  But when does that cross over into not being different?  When do I look wishy washy?  When am I not standing firm in my convictions?  When is it fun and when is it serious?
I have no answers.  Thais were surprised and delighted that we came out to join the fun.  It made my heart glad.  So what I was left with was prayer.  Prayer for protection for my family.  Pray for my friends' and neighbors' hearts and our witness.
I am currently reading through the children's Bible in Thai with my house helper (a Buddhist) and my language teacher (also a Buddhist).  These 2 very dear friends are beginning to learn bits of my life.  They are learning where I stand.  And I pray God changes their hearts.  Would you pray with me?  Not only for these two but all the others we are coming to know and love.  I want Christ to be obvious through us.  I want Him known here, in this neighborhood, in this section of town, in this city, in this country.

The Constant Rub

I walked in my bedroom to this and it brought with it a flurry of emotions. Zoya has spent time coloring and hanging her artwork for Curt and I.

Recently, I have been following numerous friends with heartaches.  One who birthed her precious stillborn boy only weeks before his due date.  One who is constantly battling cancer and other illness, as she raises her 3 children wondering if she will live to see them grow.  One whose son died at the age of 4 to cancer.  One who's son was born with a deformity that will never allow him to walk.

The "Constant Rub" is the frustrations of every day life and the 2x4 that hits you across the head to remind you of your amazing blessings.  Motherhood is a constant battle: not getting enough sleep, wanting to do "just one thing" without someone running up to you with a bleeding nose, wanting silence for 5 minutes, etc.  The irritability that plagues the day with these little people who are so needy (and the older ones who are emotionally unstable :)). Yes, I just want to go for a run whenever I want and not at nap time, which is smack in the middle of the hottest part of the day.  I want to do double workouts if I want, but can't because there is never enough time.  I want to have a quiet afternoon where I can sit around and read a book but when the quietness comes, that's when the work can get done! and the books sit on the shelf.  I want to wake up when I want, not because someone needs me at 6:15a.m.  I want to go to bed when I want, not rushing to sleep because I know someone needs me at 6:15a.m.

But.

BUT.

But.  I have 6 healthy children.  They do well in school and are often helpful and well behaved.  I have kids who are physically healthy and can run around, makes messes and create things. I have kids who are mentally healthy and can have real relationship with Curt and I.  I have healthy, happy kids.

And today, that is hitting home.  Yes, never getting to drink a cup of hot coffee is a tragedy but I will take it if it comes with the chaos of a kid-filled home.

Thai preschool, where we spend 3 mornings/week

The special needs orphanage we go to to play with the kids

Carmen helping a college student who takes care of our yard.  He is like an older brother to Carmen.

The Fog

No one talks about it.  No one writes about it.  It's probably because they don't remember it.

It's probably because they wake up one day saying, "Where am I?  How did I get here?  When did I age 10 years?".  They see pictures of themselves around a house they know to be their own.  Pictures of them with small children at the zoo...at Disney...at a park.  They think, "Was I there?  Who are those children?"

Ah, the toddler years.  I was talking with a friend recently about attending church.  We laughed to think of ourselves trying to follow a logical train of thought through a sermon for longer than 30 seconds.  All the moms with young kids you see sitting there looking focused?  They are really making lists in their heads: all the things they need to do, didn't do, should've done and don't want to think about.

My friend mentioned having mornings away with the Lord (when her husband would take the kids out) and she would just weep.  With joy?  Oh no.  With pure overwhelmedness (there is no better word, even though this isn't a word).  The silence.  What does one do with silence?

I haven't been able to finish a train of thought in five years.  I have not had one single cup of coffee that I haven't had to re-heat.  I haven't made one meal where I haven't burned or undercooked something. I haven't had one conversation that was not interrupted or stopped due to nap time being over.

After running around with ADD brain for 5 years, I am not sure how to make it stop.  When someone gives me time without the kids, I honestly feel a bit trapped...suffocated.  I mean wouldn't you if your morning went something like this?...

6 a.m.  Alarm goes off (I haven't slept past 6:30 in years).  Roll out of bed, keep rolling into clothes, get some coffee going.
6:20 a.m. Coffee not quite done but Zoya is upstairs yelling (with others asleep), "MOM! I AM DONE GOING POOP!"
6:40 a.m. (while trying to read a bit of the Bible before I get the kids at 7): Carmen: "MOM! Elden pooped in his diaper!"  Let's start the day, shall we?
After this I lost track of time but here what's occurred as accurately as my brain allows, "I should go to the store.  Where's my list?  Oh, there it is.  Next to the baby books.  I should really fill those in.  I will put them aside to do later.  I need to write out a list for myself for this weekend (pause to help someone go to the bathroom and one my way back...), Oh!  The windex!  Perfect, I need to clean the office.  (head upstairs) Girls, don't forget to clean your desks this weekend.  Hey, these pencils needs sharpened.  I will do it.  Oh, the sharpener is full.  I guess I can empty it.  Why does the bathroom smell like poop?  Oh, Elden's diaper.  I guess I should empty the trash can.  Has anyone seen my coffee (pause to break up a fight, leaving trash can in hallway and head to kitchen to look for coffee). I need to figure out if we have food for lunch.  And dinner.  I guess I should look at this week's menu to see what I would need at the store.  Oh!  I need to go to the store.  I should find my list. (pass my bedroom heading to my desk) My bed isn't made.  I will do that real quick (someone crying, Elden grabbing things out of my bathroom, Zoya playing with the kitten's poop scoop).  "DO NOT touch that!" I should read a book with the kids.  I rarely just sit down with them.  Let me finish my bed first.  Oh, it's raining!  I will put the plants outside to sit in the rain.  Oh look, someone spilled applesauce all over the front porch and there are flies everywhere!  (go inside to get a bucket and see Ida, the dog's, head in the trash can I left in the hallway) Where is my coffee??!!!!!"

It is now 11 a.m.  I have successfully a) not killed anyone b) boiled pasta without burning it c) made a cup of tea that is now cold c) read one story to the kids d) made my bed e) cleaned up everyone's mess from snack.

People always tell you, "Cherish this time.  It goes by so fast."  Of course it does.  Times flies when you're blacked out.

The Struggle For Simplicity

**I must start this blog off with the fact that perhaps no one else in the world struggles with this :).  I am not pointing fingers or accusing anyone or any company of anything.  This is simply something I see in myself and have been coming up against recently.

With that said (and with a 2 year old sitting on my lap), I have watched myself struggle against the digital world and real-life engagement.  I find myself watching things happen and then taking a shot in my mind's eye and thinking about how I would post it on Facebook.  That leads me to wondering why I even want to.

You know.  Elden does something cute and I want to put it up.  I run a race, place and want to post a selfie.  Carmen is reading chapter books at 4 years old and I want to write a post.  I don't, mainly because I don't have the time, but this morning I thought, "Oh no.  The digital world has no idea how amazing we are!"  I read about the other moms' baking days, creating their own play dough (with essential oils), making their own yogurt (first milking the cow no less!), writing a book while caring for 5 children, etc. and I think what are people going to think of me????!!!  They know nothing!  They see old pictures!  I haven't posted in over a month!

"They" are going to wonder what I do with all my time.  "They" are going to wonder if my kids are being properly educated.  "They" are going to wonder if we ever leave the house, take vacations, visit with friends.  "They" are going to wonder if they should be supporting us. "They" are going to wonder if we are just...normal.

I find myself easily drawn into a world in cyberspace and missing out on the world that is happening around me. I actually have to stop myself and say, "It's ok that instead of working on posting pictures, you spend that time doing a puzzle with the kids."

Really it comes down to the fact that I have to be ok with just doing the puzzle, not showing everyone else that I did the puzzle.  I have to stop and realize that I need to drink in these moments because each one is gone in a breath.  And, God forbid, I miss that smile, that laugh, that look, that joke.  Too soon, these moments will be gone.  And I don't want to miss them.

For a brief 7 weeks every year, I have 3 children one year apart in their said ages.  Elden just turned 2 last week (my youngest is 2!) and Carmen doesn't turn 5 until the very last day of August.  You look at those smiling faces and think, "What a treat!  What a delight!  How sweet they look!  How fun they must be!" and all of those things are true.  But the in and outs are much tougher.  Who is throwing a temper tantrum.  Who is going through their terrible 2's (or 3's or 4's).  Who is being defiant that day or too tired to even hint at obedience.  Who won't nap.  Who cries every time you put them down for a nap or bed.  Etc. etc.  Honestly, all the usual stuff that parents live in day in and day out.

But.

But this week I was called to a higher standard.  And I don't like it.  

I was talking with a friend on the phone, she was explaining how she was discovering that she was responsible for her own attitudes, behaviors and actions.  Well, duh, right?  But I don't think we often apply that to being moms.  Well, maybe I should speak for myself here.  I don't really apply that in the mom arena.  More often, my thoughts go something like this:

"Well, if you hadn't played with doors, like I have told you 55,000 times, you wouldn't have slammed your finger in the door" (no sympathy).  "I have the right to yell at him.  I asked him to go upstairs 4 times and he is still sitting playing with his legos!!" (anger)  "I have asked you over and over and over and over again to get OUT of people's faces and leave them ALONE!" (fury; boiling over to murderous tendencies :)) What my neighbors must think...

As she and I talked I thought, "No way.  There is NO WAY God expects me to have the self control to be kind, patient and gentle in the midst of defiance, impulsiveness, forgetfulness or just plain childishness.  There is no way He can expect that type of supernatural strength from a mere human.  No Way."  

I was quite happy in controlling my attitudes and reactions with Curt, friends and other outsiders but with the kids, that is another story.

But, it's not. 

Self control is a freedom, not a bondage.  I am free to obey God, to control my emotions, to follow the leading of the Spirit.  I am free to not allow my emotions to be in control.  I don't have to do just what I feel like doing.  I am free to do what is wise, what is right and what is life giving to others.  And that is like a breathe of fresh air.  My emotions are not in charge.  I am, through Christ who can do ALL things.  Amen.

My 4, 3 and 2 year old

June=Normalcy

Yes, it took us a FULL 4 months to settle in.  Are we done?  By no means.  But we have finally settled into more of a routine.  I cannot believe how hard it was to move everyone overseas.  I thought once we got over jet lag we would be home free.  Boy, was I wrong!

First was culture shock.  All of us adjusting in different ways.  Who is sick of eating rice, who can't eat the spicy food, who gets an upset stomach from the worms they got off street food, and on and on.    Culture shock shows itself in so many ways and every time someone hit a "phase", I had to take a step back and think about the possibility that this was just adjustment.  And I think we're still in it, now and then.

Setting up house.  We still have a number of items that are on our "wish list" but in general, we have things up and running and the house is functioning.  Curt took a whole week and just worked through our house list!  He went around and fixed everything that needed fixing, set up everything that needing setting up and checked all his projects off the list.  It was a very settling feeling and I am praying for at least of month with nothing breaking so he can relax!

Relationships.  May was a hard, hard month.  I think exhaustion hit and relationships within this house were strained, whether it was between Curt and I, Curt and the kids, me and the kids, Erin and the kids, me and Erin...you get the idea.  Numerous possibilities (our house helper was fine!).  With feeling more settled, it has brought more relaxation, more sleep, less stress and we have all taken a step back and said, "I am SO glad May is over!  It was awful!".

Homeschool snags.  There is always at least one kid who hits the week or two or three of sluggishness, where they can't seem to get through 5 days of school in 5 days...or 6...or 7... It just seems like feet are being dragged.  But Erin did an amazing job of keeping on top of people, coming up with creative ideas to keep moving forward and encouraging everyone onward.  Everyone is back on track and has their weekends back!  Hurray!  (the sluggishness also happened in May.  Terrible month).

Overall, we are doing so well now.  The kids have just reached halfway through their current grade (always an accomplishment) and planning is starting to happen for the next grade.  Turism is looking to do some college prep work and we have been working with her to get that started.  Bitsuanit will be entering 8th grade and is trying to decide whether to skip Pre-Algebra and move right ahead into Algebra 1.  Tihitina has breezed through 6th so far and just finished a major report on the Boston Tea Party.  Carmen is reading chapter books now in Kindergarten and spends quite a bit of time reading to Zoya and Elden throughout the day.  We are so proud of him!  And Zoya and Elden are, well, Zoya and Elden.

Prayer requests: Curt is currently on a trip organizing yet more films and more languages with some more partners.  Pray that his meetings would go well.  The doors the Lord is opening are amazing!  More on that in our next newsletter!

Carmen and Zoya's preschool teacher was very creative, using veggies to create things

From his veggies, Carmen made a cup of juice and a straw

Tihitina turned 10 this month!

You Can't Live in Sin...

...and not expect consequences.  My recent epiphany.  This should be obvious, right?  And yet somehow I fell under the magical cloud that I am under God's grace and therefore, since I have been forgiven since before the creation of the world, when I am annoyed, tired, irritable, frustrated or overwhelmed, I can let the whole world know.  I mean, I am forgiven already for everything I have ever done and will ever do, right?

I sat down to spend time with the Lord yesterday morning and was hit with several things all at once. "Or do you have contempt for the riches of God's generosity, tolerance, and patience?  Don't you realize that God's kindness is supposed to lead you to change your heart and life?" (Rom. 2:4). Then I began my daily reading in "The 7 Day Prayer Warrior" and read this:
"A Roman soldier's metal breastplate covered his chest and kept him from being fatally wounded in the heart.  Jesus' perfect righteousness is what covers our heart, and that is what God sees when He looks at us.  BUT we still have to put on righteousness like a solider puts on his bulletproof vest.  That means we must choose to live God's way.  We cannot be protected if we deliberately walk outside the ways and will of God...even though we are a new creation, we still must decide to live like we are...with each step we take apart from God's ways, the stronghold of the enemy becomes more entrenched."

Honestly, being a perfectionist, I think I have believed the lies that since I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all.  I can't always be patient, kind and loving.  When one of the kids throws a tantrum or gets unnecessary upset, I cannot always look at the situation with an outside perspective and respond appropriately.  Therefore, I stop trying.  I react however I do and, of course, feel badly but think, "Well, I didn't sleep much, it's so hot, she was completely irrational, anyone would've reacted the same way..." and move forward.  I rely much more on coffee than I do the Holy Spirit.

Suddenly, I find myself taking a step back and thinking, "Wait a minute.  When did I fall into this trap of 'I can react however I want, I can do whatever I want and can still expect a close relationship with the Lord and blessings on our marriage and family'"? No, God does not work with formulas.  If I do "A", I cannot expect "B".  But I think it's pretty safe to say if I chose to harbor bitterness and anger, if I chose to give into emotion and react however I want and whatever I feel like, that the Lord is going to be more like a distant relative than a close friend and lover.

As I continue to process this, just in the past 24 hours, I notice how when I chose the right reaction over just how I feel like reacting, there are small blessings.  A smile. A hug. Joy. Peace. To think of all I've been missing... :)

Carmen and our house helper harvesting lyngee from our tree

 Life has been crazy and calm all at the same time.  The same things seem to be happening: furniture is being slowly added to the house, things are slowly getting fixed (with new problems always arising :)), school is moving full speed ahead (thank you, Erin!), Thai is being learned, friends are being met and new goals are being added.
There are 2 things that have been super encouraging to us over the last 6 weeks.
1) Our house helper.  She is a comrade in arms.  When something needs fixed, she calls someone.  When some worker doesn't do a good job, she tells them.  When we don't know what to do about something, she fills us in.  When I speak bad Thai, she corrects me.  She LOVES the kids.  She always laughs; is always smiling.  She adds joy and life to this house.  She plays with the 3 younger ones, lets them help with washing dishes, picking fruit and brings them treats.  She tries to converse with the 3 oldest.  She is a HUGE, HUGE blessing from the Lord.  I cannot wait to speak enough Thai to start sharing about Jesus with her!!
2) Curt's work.  It has been such a joy watching the amazing ways the Lord has allowed him to be involved with so MANY people groups.  Incredible!  I just can't believe how much we get to be a part of.  Although the day in and day out work that Curt does in the office doesn't seem all that glamorous, it is awesome to step back and see the impact.  He is currently on a trip that you will hear more about through our newsletters.

Easter with duck eggs (the only ones we could find that were white! Our house helper did not  understand the bunny and the egg thing.  Ha!  Neither do we :))

The kids love lyngee

Thankful

I felt like I needed to blog again but again was at a loss what to say.  But this morning read this: "when the people complained, it displeased The Lord." Numbers 11:1. So, I wanted to list off the things we are thankful for as a family:

• Chickens.  We got chickens.  We had this random cage built in our yard that was used for growing orchids.  We now use it for growing eggs :).
• Our dog.  She is a great stress reliever.  She was a street dog and spent the first month anxious and unpredictable.  We thought we would have to get rid of her but she has really calmed down and is awesome.
• Kids who help around the house without complaining! (We spent the whole day cleaning and organizing :)).
• A husband who works hard and spends most of his time expending for everyone else!
• My house (Zoya)
• Rain and bedtime (Carmen)
• School and our house (Tihitina)
• Rice! (Elden)
• Pau Pi (a Thai college student who lives down the street who comes over every other Thursday night for dinner and English club) (Bitsuanit) 
• Miss Erin (Turism)
• A wonderful homeschool program that's manageable from here
• Useable internet!
• An amazing house helper who brings such joy and amazing help to our lives (and brings language into the house!)
• Ovens and desks (Erin)

We could go on and on as there are many things we are blessed with.  We are thankful, in the midst of trial and difficulty.  And we are thankful for you, our sweet supporters and prayer warriors.  Thank you for being the ones who keep us here!

Holding My Children Loosely...

…because they are not my children.

First, sorry to those of you who were waiting with baited breath for Turism's interview :).  We could not get her video to load and finally concluded our internet was too slow.  I would need to get to a coffee shop or something and when I have the time to do that, I will let you know :).

Something has been on my mind, day in and day out, the last few weeks.  After reading a friend's blog recently, I believe she put this so well:

"And since this is the thing…that cuts to our hearts as mommies more than any other thing…I’m just going to put it out there.  I’m going to share with you the secret I have learned through this endless year of pain.  The ultimate secret to protecting your kids from this world’s deep suffering…

You can’t.

At all.

You.  Just.  Can’t.

You can’t actually, really, protect them from anything.  And what hurts so bad is that we kind of think we can.  We pack their lunches in the morning, and pray against that little bully on the playground they may have to face.  We stick the Barbie band-aide on their scraped up knees and think, “I’m going to make sure I stop you the next time you run full speed ahead into that tree outside by the driveway.”  We wipe the tears from their chubby little cheeks and we vow, “I’m never going to let someone say that to you ever again.”

I know you think these things…because I I’ve thought the same things.  Yesterday.  This morning.  And tomorrow too, probably.

But I am here to tell you, if I have learned one thing it's…you are far less powerful than you think.

You can buckle their seat belts.  And fold their laundry.  And make their PB & J’s.  But you are not writing their story.

You are only reading it.

Line by line.  Page by page.

And you have no idea, and even less control…over the story that a Sovereign God has written for your children’s lives.

I’m so sorry to say this.  And no one hates this more than me.  But those are the breaks."

I do spend a lot of time trying to protect my children.  When they are hurt, I hurt SO. MUCH. MORE.  And I do everything it takes to keep them from pain.  I attend preschool so I am in the room and won't let other kids bully or hurt them.  I homeschool (for many reasons, of course) to protect them from unwanted situations.  I meet their friends (and their friends' parents!) and always offer our house as the play date (can I call it this when they're in high school??) so I know what's happening and limit what their exposed to.  

And yet, the one thing I cannot protect them from is…me.  Every night, memories from the day swirl in and I think about how I hurt my kids that day.  What I said.  What I didn't say.  Missed opportunities to sit and talk because I was too busy, too tired, didn't notice there was an opportunity.  How I exploded over something.  How I lectured vs. saying calmly, mind-you, "Please don't do that.".  How I didn't give that third hug at bedtime because I was SO DONE and just wanted out of there.  

Honestly, I hate that I am set up for failure.

I am not perfect.  I am never going to be.  There is going to be numerous things that my kids will wind up in counseling for.  I have already told them I will foot the bill.

But, as I grieve over my sin, I am recognizing that God has set this up.  He is writing their stories and guess who is the hero?  It's not me.  He comes in as the perfect Father, loving Savior, ever-present Being, who always knows, always understands, always loves and always reacts to every situation perfectly.  

If that were me, they wouldn't need Him. I have to be ok with being the stagehand, not the star. 

Because He gets to write the story...for His glory.  

Thriving

I find myself hesitant as I sit to write this post.  I read other people's blogs and think about how much more insightful they are, more inspiring, much better written or how much more the Lord is teaching them and not me.  (I do understand that where God has me is a good place to be :)).

I could whine about how we didn't even have a table and chairs for 2 months and we all sat on the floor but that seems so small in comparison with the North Korean believers who were recently persecuted because of their faith.

I could mention how language is hard and so many times you just want/need to communicate something!! and you can't but that is minuet when compared with a friend and her family who have recently lost all of their possessions, a baby and their health.

I could say how exhausted we are as we are trying to outfit this place, provide routine and structure for the kids, walk through everyone's culture shock, manage 9 different personalities in the house (along with our house helper, who makes 10), learn the language and try to create normalcy in chaos but that just seems so minuscule when I think of the old man we see everyday at Thai preschool who lives in the gazebo outside their school.  He owns a walking stick, a pair of shoes, a hat and a plastic shopping bag full of stuff.

And so I sit and wonder what I should write.  And instead of giving my thoughts, I thought you might like to hear from the kids again :).  Without further adieu, I will post of video of Turism a little later today.  But now I will leave you with a few pictures:

Can't believe this child, who was just born, I believe, has started Kindergarten 

Turism just began 9th grade last week.  Yes, we have a high schooler!

Bitsuanit has been waiting to start 7th, since she has been off since the end of December.  She is pretty excited.

Tihitina is thrilled to move ahead a grade.  She feels she is keeping up with her sisters.

We have a kitchen table and chairs!

Settling In With SO Far To Go

Carmen and Zoya in front of their new school

 I have no idea where to start when everything is new.
Internet: An answer to prayer.  We talked and asked and researched and finally just chose the one company who services our area.  We didn't want to go with them because we heard the service was so slow.  With schooling 4 children online, Erin (our homeschool teacher), Curt's and my needs, we needed strong, reliable internet.  We were hesitant to go with a company who didn't have a good reputation.  But when they are your only option, there isn't much of a choice :).  Our first few days, it was really flaky.  We thought, "This is not going to work."  And then, a few days in, it just started being great...all the time. Every once in awhile, it drops out for a few minutes but that is certainly nothing to complain about.  Amazing!  We are so thankful to finally have internet at our house!!
Speaking of our house, we have been here 4 weeks today.  Curt has done an amazing job working through all the small issues of a third world home.  He has slowly turned our home into one that is much more accommodating to our needs (now all our showers have hot water!  Hurray!).  We are all so thankful for the gifts God has given him to work through almost any issue.  We love our house.  It is wonderful and perfect for our needs (office for Curt, homeschool room and enough bedrooms to go around).
We love our landlords.  They are kind and helpful.  They are always willing to give advice, come over and translate (they speak English.  He is foreign and she is Thai), help with any problem or be a part of any other issue that arises.  We are very blessed with them.
We love our neighbors (minus the rooster that lives next door).  Everyone loves the kids and are happy to wander over when they are outside playing.  Everyone says hello and introduces themselves.  Honestly, we find that unusual in this culture, which is usually more reserved.  We are thankful the kids bring that out in them.  We plan to have a neighborhood Christmas party with everyone.  Our landlord told us that used to happen but has not in the last few years.  We plan on reviving that tradition!

Play time.  Can you tell which kids are ours?

 We love the preschool Carmen and Zoya are a part of.  They have been 2 days so far and the first day was hard.  The kids crowded around them and wouldn't leave them alone.  But day #2 was much better.  They were basically ignored and treated like everyone else.  I get to sit in the back of the "classroom" with Elden and the teacher is very lenient.  We learn songs, poems, listen to stories, learn our letters, do writing, go through numbers and play.  It's pretty awesome.  I am hoping it's going to significantly help my Thai!!  Forget the kids, going to preschool is a great way for me to learn language!
We love Erin!  Erin is our homeschool teacher, a college junior from Chicago who agreed to live with us a year to teach the 4 oldest.  This year, Turi is in 9th, Bitsu is in 7th, Tihi is in 6th and Carmen is in Kindergarden.  She is wonderful.  She is conscientious, hard-working, creative, very flexible and helpful.  She fit in easily, as she is the oldest of 8.  For this year, she is the oldest of 7 :).  She has taken a lot of stress off of me, as she has the time to sit in the homeschool room and monitor everyone's progress.  Without internet, the kids were still able to start school with her guidance.  That was an amazing blessing.  We have thoroughly enjoyed her being here the last 3 weeks and look forward to another 10 months with her.
And finally, we love where God has put us.  We are thankful to, yet again, be serving overseas.  We are grateful for the opportunity that He has given us.  We love Him and are so glad for the many people He has given us to remind us of His love for us.  We are thankful for this country He has called us to.  We are enjoying their food, culture, people, struggling through learning their language and loving life.  Thank you for being a part of sending us here.

Carmen and Zoya with a new friend in our home

Here and Thriving!

Thank you for your patience.  We landed in our new home country 16 days ago.  And let me tell you, it has been a whirlwind...but so much fun.

Kids did great on the plane and we touched down the night of the 16th.  We were met at the airport by 3 different families who were so kind to load our stuff into vans and transport us to our hotel.  We were all so exhausted and everyone crashed and slept 12 hours.  We woke the next day to the beauty of this country and breakfast made for us.  And then the race began.  We ran around town trying to get absolute necessities so we could stay at the hotel as little as possible.  It's funny when you try to think about what you cannot live without.  Fridge? Microwave? Beds...that's a must.  But we did it.  3 days after we landed we transported everyone and all 16 suitcases to our new home.

We love, love, love our new place.  It's spacious.  It has 4 different kinds of fruit trees growing in the yard.  Our neighbors are LOVELY.  It is quite unusual for neighbors to interact much.  But I think we are so far out of town that people are just more friendly.  We have interacted it with our neighbors quite a bit.  Huge blessing.

We have started language classes, gotten the three little ones enrolled in preschool, set up wiring, plumbing, a/c's, ordered furniture.  We can't believe how much we have gotten done in the he last 2 weeks of being moved in.  The house remains empty but is slowly starting to feel like home :). We really love it, even though we are quite a bit outside town.

Our biggest prayer request is internet.  We can't seem to find anyone who will service our area.  We haven't yet given up hope but we are slowly starting to feel the pressure.  We can't do the kids' school, curt's work will be hindered, I can't do anything online.  So, pray with us that The Lord will provide some company who either can or is willing to run lines to our house.

Off to Thai class...pictures to come!!

On the Move

We have less than 3 weeks left in the house that we have occupied for the last 18 months. Things are slowly being sold; things carefully disappearing. In the midst of scaling down and packing up, we are still trying to keep our lives as normal as possible: visiting with friends and keeping our usual routine.

We have had some fun highlights:
1) Zoya turned 3! I can't believe how fast my babies are growing but there you are. She had a wonderful day of walking around telling everyone it was her birthday and ended with an ice cream cake celebrated with our neighbors.  Interestingly enough, once her birthday ended, she moved on, no complaining/whining/demanding more birthday. I was very proud of her. She lived her life to the fullest that day and moved on.
2) Kindness Advent calendar.  Have you heard of it? Everyday we open a new envelope that tells us one kind act to do.  So far we have: gotten treats for our librarians, taped exact change onto vending machines, paid for the next person in line at an eatery, gave a grocery store gift card to a random person and other fun things. The kids (and I!) love this! It really is the highlight of our day.  It is such a joy serving someone else anonymously.
3) Goodbyes to sweet friends. We have had some really great times with some really great people that we will dearly miss.

Pray us out of the country!!  Specific things you can pray to sell: our minivan (our second car sold and we are down to a one-car family), our table, a mattress, curt's bike, the kids' bikes and our grill.  We have one more garage sale.  Pray that everything would go so we can leave well.

One month on Tuesday, we fly out of the States for good.  We are SO thankful to The Lord for this amazing opportunity to get to, yet again, serve overseas.  We are so excited and ready for this next chapter of our lives. Lord willing, our next post will be from our next location!!

Merry Christmas to all! And to all, a good night :).